I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
