and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Randomize
