And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
