Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
