On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
