I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
