I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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