It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
