i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
