just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
