you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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