Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
