My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
