Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
