where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
