if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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