his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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