So drunk its hurt
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
