I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
