Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
