Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
