you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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