I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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