I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
