He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
