took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
