omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
