If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
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