11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
