did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
