Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
