He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Come on in and take your pants off
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