Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
