i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
