she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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