so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
