I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
