i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
