i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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