Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
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