don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
His hands were made for my vagina.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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