Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
