There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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