dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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