Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
