She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
