I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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