Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
