Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
