talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
