they need to just BURY HIM!
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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