Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
