I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
