I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
