The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
