Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
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