my sisters under your porch take her home
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
