Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
