dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You took a bar mat shot.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Im part way to drunk.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
