hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
